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(no subject) [Jun. 10th, 2004|09:39 pm]
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im so so sorrry if my msn type/txts look lik e gf jh o7986t 7nmb etc lol i really cant focus today or stay with it so im s orry!! [any excuse for not being a ble to type lol] aargh i keep passsing out its so frustrating i wanna talk to ppul on msn, im sorrry :(
oh yeah since sar0h said it, why do ppul think we're 'loaded' n rich??! we've never been riuch so please dont think i am lol. : )
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i'm sorry. [Jun. 10th, 2004|07:52 pm]
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<< your angel died so long ago, in heart, in hope, in soul. no longer can i make you mad. you're the only friend i ever had >>
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(no subject) [Jun. 10th, 2004|06:50 pm]
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aargh how embarrassed am i :\ i'm never leaving my house again! i went to town and i decided to sell my watch not my bass for today cos itd mean carrying it and i'm lazy lol. and i was stood waiting for these ppul to move out of the way and i started getting really dizzy n i could just see stars and this guy said 'u ok?' and i just remember waking up on the floor thinking omg and then i passed out again n came round to all these weird ppul staring so i just got up really fast, i bet my face was like a tomato lol.well, apparantley it was white but i felt so embarrassed! some really nice man drove me home even though i said id walk and i said id give him petrol money when i had money but he just laughed :s omg im never gonna live today down im so embarrassed :( i cant stop shaking i really have to eat something :s and i still didnt sell my watch . dammit :s
i think im just going to go to bed and sleep its just cos im shattered lately.
hugs to bethy. i'll never leave u angel i swear. im sorry.
and miss you sarah and saroh and yasmin.
xx
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(no subject) [Jun. 9th, 2004|09:52 pm]
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ooh i feel so weeird = \ if i have an insulin attack thingy [*shrugs cos i dunno the name*] im not going to be impressed lol. [am i ever?]
but jamie came round *gasp* and he wanted my weed and well, it was megan's but he saw it in my room so he gave me money and i got credit yey. though i feel tight seeing how i cant even feed my animals anymore = \ hmm i dunno i'm gonna sell stuff tomorrow to that weird scary shop in town that give you money for your stuff. i don't really want to sell even my watch but my dad's hardly gonna find out is he and i never wear it its till in its box = \
nevermind.
i really have to sleep but i just did and i cant anymore so im bored n my hands keep shaking so itl take me forever to type, sorry! [to ppul on msn].
hugs to bethy and yasmin
xxx
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fuck it all.fuck this world. don't belong. don't exist. ~ don't ever judge me [Jun. 9th, 2004|04:59 pm]
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I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Goodbye!

I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is 3D blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I CAN'T CONTROL MY SHAKES!
How the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong...
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

GET OUTTA MY HEAD CUZ I DON'T NEED THIS!
Why I didn't I see this?
I'm a victim - SINNED-BY-JUST
Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

GOODBYE!

You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
My flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

AND IT WAITS FOR YOU!

ooh i love wait and bleed but then again who doesn't = \ its like sweet dreams and smells like teen spirit. the only songs 'moshers' know..
i h8 that i bought this album yeeears ago = ( when the spice girls were the talk of the century /or at school. nevermind.
i sound like those ppul that go 'omg omg i l000ve sweet dreams, marilyn manson is MY band'. or 'jas tell me an incubus song quick iv got a new hoody n know nothing by them' when theyr my fav band :(
im bored.
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(no subject) [Jun. 9th, 2004|02:50 pm]
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finally it seems i have a friend and then they change and act fake and then its all gone again.they change and go away and you're left wishing they were there. it doesn't even matter that i cared or tried. i cant be bothered im just fake from now on. everythings just fake and lies. fun =)
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< i'd cut off both your wings on principle alone > [Jun. 9th, 2004|02:38 pm]
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[(+ tHe day 0n wh1ch i d1eD +) |faKe.]
[(+ my eveRlaSt1Ng su1c1De +) |incubus ~ i wanna stay inside]

being fake = easier. people talk to you and everything seems normal. everything seems ok =)
my contract phone's run out = ( and i have no credit and i was going to txt sarah and yasmin saying thank you so much and i miss you. but i couldn't = \ sorry.
beth came round and we got bored so we were lame n decided to go on my dance mat = ) yeyy i still win : p she can only do beginner level and the hard level's so easy!! maybe thats cos im sad n used to spend too much time on it hehe.
thenn beth went home so iv been listening to all 3 slipknot albums n tidied my room and backcombed my hair and now im bored again!!!
i want a hair cut the front's so annoying! so now i'm going to listen to incubus *sigh* bad memories but its too hot today to do anything else.
i'm starving = \ so im off to have rice oo0oh the fun!!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAR0H!!!!


love and pretty drugs
xx << jª§øñ >> xx
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hehe [Jun. 6th, 2004|01:02 pm]
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[(+ tHe day 0n wh1ch i d1eD +) |hyperhyper]
[(+ my eveRlaSt1Ng su1c1De +) |shooting star]

aww clairey uploaded the pic my mum took. my cat looks shocked = \  i have no idea why..im booored. fanku clairey mwah xxxx ooh and ragdoll cats are supposed to grow into the biggest cats iv ever seen so whys my cat tiny/ its not normal = \


awww sar0h said she'd ring when duality's on!! i want to go to download so much =( hope yoo have fun sar0h lamb xx luv jois0n xxx [because we're so posh..not..well..you are from l0ndon *landan* heheh!] i miss you bethy xx
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(no subject) [Jun. 6th, 2004|12:48 pm]
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hyper off sunshine, chocolate milk and clubland music. aargh. xx
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(no subject) [Jun. 6th, 2004|11:23 am]
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ummm...wtf? they messed up my subject *sob*
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¨º¨ 1N † e R G å L å c † i ¢ ¨º¨ ♥╬
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¨º¨ 1N † e R G å L å c † i ¢ ¨º¨ ♥╬<pLåNe†åRy>╬♥
[Jun. 6th, 2004|11:22 am]
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[(+ tHe day 0n wh1ch i d1eD +) |tiredtired]
[(+ my eveRlaSt1Ng su1c1De +) |disturbed]

i really just wanted everything to get better and now i don't even know where to start : ( i thought itd just be so easy to smile and say i'm going to get better and i'll be there for others and i'll be happy for once. and i was until megan came along and i feel so terrible that i even introduced her to ppul cos its my fault they got involved =(

i thought my cat'd be the only thing i could say was mine and that id never lose. and now shes gone and i dont know where she is and vets cost a fortune so i don't know how i'll afford to get her back.

im sorry beth for keeping you up last night : ( my ears killing me and i really dont feel right but it'll be ok as soon as i know my princess is ok.

i miss you angel : ( im sorry i wasnt online i had to go sleep but thank you so much for being there and i miss you so much = \  i hope ytou're ok and i promise i'll stop beingso selfish and be there for you. yeyy we can get milkshakes on our angel day. if you want = \

im going back to bed im bored and beth wants to use my computer before she goes home.

love and pretty drugs
xx << jª§øñ >> xx

 

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im so bored :( i HATE sundays [Jun. 6th, 2004|10:50 am]
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<kill me now before boredom kills me>Collapse )
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you l00k at me but you don't see.understand i'm a sinner [Jun. 6th, 2004|10:48 am]
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[(+ tHe day 0n wh1ch i d1eD +) |boredbored]
[(+ my eveRlaSt1Ng su1c1De +) |dr0wning p00l then disurbed <3]

<B0RED0M>Collapse )
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=:BLÉÉÐìÑg ÅÑgÉL:= [Jun. 3rd, 2004|07:20 pm]
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[(+ tHe day 0n wh1ch i d1eD +) |draineddrained]
[(+ my eveRlaSt1Ng su1c1De +) |eastenders is on.]

ooh soo it's time for yet another boooring entry by me. i didn't think i'd bother coming home but i got bored wandering round town in the rain. id've danced for bethy but i didn't want to look silly alone hehe.
i'm soo booored. just so you know..
i miss you bethy and thank you for writing on my lj and for being my bestest friend in the whole wide world.
[yey eastenders is on now so it reminds me of yoou]

hmm soo..today..i did absolutely nothing of interest!
<< do i ever?? >>
i had to go to the hospital to have my stitches out ick. my eye's fine but my ear's all ick and they said if i was going to be able to hear properly out of it i would be able to by now. and i can't so i wasn't very happy about that. and i was feeling miserable <> and it was pouring it down so my spikes started falling out (of my hair) and my baggy jeans were soaked so i to get a bus and had to sit there for 2 hours with purple hair dye dripping down my face and scallies kept calling me ...ooh the fun...

next week = more chemotherapy *sarcastic weak yeyy* ooh i can barely contain my excitement! i'm getting sarcastic aren't i??
) : sorry.


then i got home and no doubt it was megan's brother or her that had painted all over our front door so it said 'fucking die you freak'. it was so embarrassing i just turned back round and wandered then i bought some paint from the hardware shop and had to paint our front door in the pouring rain so i bet it looks really stupid. the neighbours must think we're some run down scallie family it's so embarrassing! i really don't want my mum to know :(
at first i guess it was funny, then annoying and now it's just really getting to me that people hate me and have it in for me simply because they're violent in the head and i don't love his sister! i wonder what she's actually said to make him do this because i think it must be a lot more than me not loving her.

nevermind i'm just being soppy. i guess it's just getting harder to come home to nothing, to go out on my own all the time and to be told bad things and have to deal with stuff alone. but i'm happy i can deal with it, if i start relying on people then lose them it makes me feel like i can't trust anyone anymore or that i'm a fucking joke.

i'm so out of it = \ i shouldn't get stoned but after today i just have to escape from it all, just for a few hours or so. i'm sorry bethy i promised i wouldn't but i just feel like giving up and i need an escape.
i miss you angel and i'm here for you forever ok?

love and pretty drugs
xx << jª§øñ >> xx
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..« ºxNøb0dY¿ ».. [Jun. 2nd, 2004|10:39 pm]
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[(+ tHe day 0n wh1ch i d1eD +) |accomplishedaccomplished]
[(+ my eveRlaSt1Ng su1c1De +) |slipknot]

ooh so i got a new livejournal yey. it's my worst habit making new journals, i just get bored and pretend i can make a new start hehe. nevermind.
hmm i'm knackered. whyyy is there a jason on big brother :( everytime i hear them say his name i look up or expect someone to talk to mee hehe.
i've not done much today :( i went to the doctor's for some more tablets and some old lady kept giving me evil looks, either because i was a bit gothic or because i look like i've been in a fight.hmm. i hate when they judge you by appearance because later i held the door open for her and she went 'oh..thank you' and walked off looking all prissy and stuck up. grr.
nevermind, she's just shallow it's her loss.
then i went to see beth and we hung out at hers all day waching tv and played computer games. we're nintendo nerds shhh :( we have our own sim family n all sorts hehehe.
then i came home and i've decided to dye my hair purple. and i was kinda upset because people online seemed really off with me but i decided to stay happy because it's just easier.
i miss you bethy :( and i hate megan sooo much.
her brother's out again apparantley. he weighs about 20 st no joke, i weigh about 8 1/2 and im only 5'7-8 there's no way i'll ever beat him even if i kick him with my new rocks hehe.
i hope he gives up i just want to do hardly anything and get better for the moment.
ooh sex and the city soon so i'm off to wash my hair.
love and pretty drugs
xx << jª§øñ >> xx
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(+ a new staRt +) [Jun. 2nd, 2004|09:47 pm]
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(+ get t0 kn0w me +)Collapse )
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